28 Candles

It's, you know, my birthday and I guess that makes 28. I celebrated by going to work and doing some concept sketches, along with a little Flash development research. Oh you can't stop this Party Monster, so don't even try.

To be fair, Carey treated me to a very nice dinner out where I enjoyed a delicious filet mignon and a little wine. Not bad at all.
...


Just what in flaming hades is going on?!

A weekend voicemail from my dad:

"Hey, Jer. Just wanted to call and tell you to... well... call your sister Erin, put it that way. She's got really, really big... well... heheh... listen, I won't spill the beans, she should be the one to... heheh... just, uh, give her a call. I'll leave it at that. She should be the one to tell you. Big stuff. Anyway, bye."

So, jeepers, on Monday I gave Erin a call and asked her what the fuss is about.

ME: Hey, Er, what's the big news? Dad said you had some big beans to spill.

ERIN: Aoh, Dad... why does he do this? It's really not a big deal. You know how he gets excited about things.

ME: Oh. Well, what is it?

ERIN: It's... okay, on Friday I got a call. Apparently, my students scored in the 78th percentile on their standardized tests. It's the highest our school has ever gotten, so it's a really big thing for our class.

ME: Hey hey! Congratulations! Are you... getting recognized for this?

ERIN: Yeah, I get a $500 bonus, so that's nice.

ME: Well, that's great. You should be proud.

ERIN: Yeah, you know. It's good. Not a life-changing thing or anything, but still good. Dad gave Lauren the same call and she assumed I was pregnant or something. Is that what you thought?

ME: I dunno, I dunno. It just sounded big.

ERIN: Yeah.

ME: Still, though, that's great.

ERIN: Aoh, Dad...

This morning, Dad gave me a Happy Birthday call. The subject of Erin's News came up.

DAD: So, did she tell you the news?

ME: Erin? Yeah, Pop, she didn't really seem to think it was a big deal.

DAD: She didn't?

ME: No. I mean, yeah, it's cool, but...

DAD: Well... what did she tell you?

ME: What do you mean? She told me her big news.

DAD: And... what... was that?

ME: What was her big news?

DAD: Yeah. I mean, which thing did she, uh...?

ME: There's more than one piece of big news?

DAD: I just... want to make sure we're talking about the same thing. What did she say?

ME: Well, you know, Dad, her students did really well on the standardized tests. I told her 'congratulations.'

DAD: Okay.

ME: Isn't that it?

DAD: Yup. That's it. It's a pretty big deal.

ME: ...Yeah...

DAD: ...

ME: ...

So? WHAT THE BEJEEZUS IS THAT?!
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And, from the mailbox, a much-adored letter from my good friend Jeff Rockwood:

Hey Dude, I just read about your Trigger Man painting. Nice going dude!!! I trust that isn't another of your many blogger jokes, such as Pat's valuable tumors. I'm impressed with her e-bay results. I sold my toes (all 9 of them) on e-bay an only got $20 a toe. But, I pulled my toe nails off before I shipped my toes and sold those separately, and I got $340 per toe nail! Who would have thought? Needless to say, I don't play soccer any more. I needed the money. -RockwooD-

$340 per toe? Hey, it's more than I'd pay, but that's the market for you. A little quick math tells me you just cleared $3,240, brother! Congratulations! I'd give up soccer for three grand, in a heartbeat!