Lawsuits, foodstuffs, babies and other blogs

While out sailing on the ocean,
While out sailing on the sea,
I bumped into the Savior
And He said, "pardon me."
I said "Jesus, you look tired"
He said "Jesus, so do you.
Sit down, son,
'Cause we got some fat to chew."

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I've had several unfinished posts languishing in pre-publishville for weeks. Sorry, I know it's been awhile.

Unfortunately, my absence from the blogosphere is due largely to my work schedule. I've been layering the overtime thick and spicy for the past month or so and it simply can't be helped. Getting lots and lots of work done, but it's left me little time for extracurriculars like eating and sleeping.

That's not to say nothing's been going on, though.

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Congratulations, Hoff!

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So what happened with the comic and the lawsuit?

Without getting into an exhaustive blow-by-blow, here's what happened: the Monday after receiving the letter from the law office representing Mount Paran, I called Dr. Tilly, the headmaster. We had a mostly good-natured debate for nearly an hour over the legalities of my use of the name "Mount Paran Christian School." Needless to say, we didn't see eye to eye.

His position:

• The name is trademarked and copyrighted and my use of it was non-permissable.
  
• My portrayal of the school was defamatory in that it wasn't an accurate representation of the school's standards, practices or theology.
  
• Parents of students and potential students were searching on the name "Mount Paran Christian School" and coming across my comic, which could have a potential affect on enrollment.
  
• Blogs and personal websites are subject to the same rules and standards as any other published material in terms of what's legal.

My position:

• I attended the school and I don't need permission to journal my experiences there, particularly if they're true.
  
• My comic wasn't defamatory. No one was portrayed negatively and, again, it's all true. Even if I had depicted a negative experience, I'm afforded that right by the First Amendment, as long as I'm honest.
  
• I doubt my comic would affect enrollment by a single student. If parents are calling and complaining, it would probably be a better idea to entertain a dialogue with them about their concerns, rather than try to sweep the issues (and their accompanying theological implications) under the carpet by suing me into taking the comic down.
  
• Blogs and personal websites aren't subject to the same rules as other published material. I've made no money on my Mount Paran comic and I've neither used it to sell or promote any products or services. It's a story from my life that I've decided to tell using the medium of sequential art in a digital environment.
  
• Frankly, it's pretty shitty for a Christian school to throw Christian principles out the window by not contacting me directly (and all my info is freely available on my site as well). Until I called them, the only contact anyone had with me, "disgruntled parents" included, was a letter from a law office.

At the end of the conversation, I assured Dr. Tilly (who really is a lovely man) that I meant no harm toward Mount Paran, as it's one of my most treasued life experiences. In fact, I had and continue to have terrific affection for the school. I wasn't going to take the comic down, but if he could think of any compromises, I'd certainly be open.

A couple of weeks later, Dr. Tilly called with a suggestion: change the title tag of the web page containing the comic to something other than "Mount Paran Christian School" to knock it further down in the search result listings when the name of their school is searched on.

I cheerfully obliged.

So, instead of Mount Paran Christian School, the comic is now known as Faith Healer, until I think of something better.

As a side note, Dr. Tilly apologized about approaching me through a lawyer rather than calling me directly. For the record, there's no ill will toward the school or its administration from my end.

(By the way, Warren still works there.)

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Ding dong, hooray hooray, the Schweitzer family is back to bloggin'! After an extended hiatus, Jon and April are once again pumping out updates.

If there's anyone who needs to feed the masses occassional wisdom and frequent tomfoolery, it's the Schwyzen clan. You were missed.

Congratulations on the latest Schwyzen on the way!

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You might have noticed the latest add-on to the blog in the upper right corner: Didja Know?

Randomly generated pearls of wisdom from yours truly. Click the "More" button to generate another!

Learning is fun!

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PANDA EXPRESS LADY: Okay, an order of Orange Chicken with Lo Mein, would you like a medium drink with that?

ME: Yes, please.

PANDA EXPRESS LADY: Small, medium or large?

ME: Uh. Medium.

PANDA EXPRESS LADY: I think all we have's medium. Is that okay?

ME: ...Yes.

PANDA EXPRESS LADY: Is that for here or to go?

ME: To go.

PANDA EXPRESS LADY: That's $6.37. And here's your medium cup.

ME: Thanks. Do you take a card?

PANDA EXPRESS LADY: Sure. For here or to go?

ME: It's still to go.

PANDA EXPRESS LADY: Okay, here's your card and would you like your receipt also?

ME: Nah, that's okay.

PANDA EXPRESS LADY: Great, here it is.

ME: What's this?

PANDA EXPRESS LADY: Your receipt!

ME: Ah.

PANDA EXPRESS LADY: ...

ME: ...

PANDA EXPRESS LADY: Sir?

ME: Yes?

PANDA EXPRESS LADY: I think that's everything. Is there something else you need?

ME: Just my food.

30 seconds later

ME: I think the iced tea is out.

PANDA EXPRESS LADY: The what?

ME: The iced tea. It's out. Any idea how long it'll be to refill it?

PANDA EXPRESS LADY: Iced tea dispenser is right over there, sir.

ME: I know. It's out.

PANDA EXPRESS LADY: It's self serve.

ME: Never mind.

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We're all about cross-promotion here at JeremyBear.com. And good news! Blog-buddy Josh Smith is hosting a very special Christmas contest on his own site. With real prizes and everything: not one, not two, not six... but five lucky contestants will win an "Akron: Like Vegas with Jo-Jo's" T-shirt, specially designed by Team Gitgan! Be the belle of the ball! Ooze cool! Don't delay!

The rules? There virtually aren't any! Just say something thoughtful about his website (or, if you like, something snotty) in 30 words or less! Or, concoct a snappy phrase for his blog's header! Or be like me and refer others! Any route practically assures victory!

And tell 'em Slappy J sent ya!

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On the surface, homosexuality might seem to be a morally complex issue. Thankfully, there's usually a pastoral voice of reason to gently guide us toward wisdom.

Holy crow, I haven't laughed this hard in awhile.

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On a, believe it or not, related note... Carey and I had a lovely Thanksgiving. We invited several friends over, but only our neighbors, Phil and Carlos, managed to put in an appearance.

A delicious feast and I'm proud to say that this year I prepared the entire turkey myself. No pre-cooked, store-bought Thanksgiving Day kit! Nossir! All natural and all from scratch!

Oh, and Carey made everything else. Also delicious. Show off.

By the way, a tip for a great Thanksgiving Day tradition: Amazon yourself a copy of Pieces of April, starring Katie Holmes and directed by Peter Hedges. If Thanksgiving movies are a genre, this one is my favorite. Touching and strange. Worth at least a rent.

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Still several months to go for Lauren, but Erin is ready to pop any minute. Her due date's next week, but this young man is acting as if he might be coming early.

Breathe, darlin'! You've got a cheering section on the west coast! Let's see some crown!

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Happy 27th to Lauren, by the way. Zow!

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That's all the time I've got. I wasn't kidding when I mentioned several nearly-complete posts earlier. They're on the way!

(Coming soon... the Hooters blog! Stay tuned!)

A bientot.

Obstetricize, foo!

Word from Lauren: it's a girl!

Which makes me... still an uncle. Hey hey! A nephew in December and a niece in April!

It's really getting down to the wire with Erin and she's yet to decide on a name. "Norman"? "Francis"? "Beauregard"? "Millard"? "Chas"? "Cartwright"? "Wang Lung"? "Gimley"? "Pratt"? "Barney"? "Greg Jr."? It's all up in the air!

Lauren and Steve, on the other hand, have decided on "Elliana Grace". Yeah, it's Princessy, so what? You have a problem with that? Lauren got her ultrasound last week, which proved inconclusive in the gender department. Luckily, a family friend is studying to be an obstetrician and invited Lauren to sneak in for a second scan. At this point, they're 99% sure: that's a vagina!

Lauren sent a few pics over and provided the following annotations:

Attached are the pics of our little one. Again, it's "ELLIANA", but you can just say "Ellie". :) :) Okay, so the pics you are looking at... (I know they look clear to me, but can be hard to translate). This is the "thumbs up" pic. It's just her hand and arm. The glowing part is her elbow. Here's the "Mostly full body" shot. It was the position she was in when we got our first ultrasound, so we couldn't tell what she was. If you can see, the spine is pretty clear at the top. She is face down, you can see the profile, then the knees are tucked up to her chest. This one's a closer pic, so you can just see her profile (face up) at the top. I wasn't going to include this, but they were attached, so oh well. It's the one that apparently tells us she is a girl. It looks like a "u" shape, but it's the bottom of her butt and underneath her legs.

Sheesh. And I thought decoding spam was difficult.

I'll have to take your word for it, Laur. It would take a more astute observer than me to unlock the mysteries of gender identity from these images, but I guess that's why people go to obstetrician school.

Still, a niece! Pray for pretty!