Oh, and, at long last, I've managed another script. Check 'er out: Leave Only Footprints. This one come's straight from the mind of my mom. You're the greatest, Mother. I swear, I'm doing my best not to disappoint you! I can be good enough! I can!

posted by Jeremy Bear 12:52 PM

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Hooray Hurrah! Congratulations to Lauren K. Bear, my own dear baby sis, on her engagement over the weekend to her extra-handsome beau, Steve Martin. I couldn't be happier. Steve set up a whole flaming plan which was both romantic and surprising for Lauren which concluded in her saying "yes." August 9th, 2003 is the big day, laddies and lasses, so mark it down. Be sure to shower congratulations on her head by emailing her here: elby11@hotmail.com.

So, I guess it'll be "Lauren Martin." "Lauren Martin." Hm. That'll take awhile to get used to. But, I must say, Steve is, from my small bits of conversation with him, a fine fellow, sinewy and svelt. I'm sure he'll sire many wonderful little Martins to make us all proud. And, I must admit, Steve handles his celebrity-sounding name with much grace and fortitude. I can only imagine what it must have been like growing up. For example, I simply don't know what I'd ever do with myself if my name were, I don't know, Meredith Baxter Birney.
...

So, yesterday, I saw a woman rollerblading down the street toward me. All decked out in athletic gear and whatall, nothing strange. Then I realized that she was smoking.

Only in California.
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Upsetting happening of the week: A couple nights ago, Carey and I went to see the hip-hop film 8 Mile, starring the always-controversial Eminem. It was an okay movie, I guess, but I'm not sure I'd recommend it. I can't be bothered to lie: the language in the film is about 5 steps beyond raw and there's a whole heap of sexual content. It's violent, it's crude, it's loud, and it's basically a carnival of depravity. Now, normally I'm jaded enough to not think much about these things while watching a film. It's sad, I know, but it very rarely occurs to me to become offended at... well, anything.

Toward the end of the film, though, I became truly disturbed... I heard a 4 year-old-kid in the theater say something to his mother, who promptly shushed him.

Now, I'm not exaggerating. This kid was barely beyond toddler-hood. That extra-tender age where they understand exactly what's going on around them, and everything leaves an impression. Some friggin' moron-loser-dillweed-punk-asshole decided that they simply couldn't go one more minute without seeing Eminem on the big screen and thought it was simply too much trouble to hire a baby sitter. I was enraged. DON'T TAKE YOUR KIDS TO SEE AN EMINEM MOVIE, you imbecile! And for cripes, if you are stupid enough to take the little guy to the movie, wouldn't it occur to you that it might not be the very best viewing material for a pre-kindergartener after the 100th F-word or maybe the first 5 minute sex scene or gang shooting?

Which begs the inevitable question, I know, I know... if it's so bad, Jer, why were YOU watching it? Man, I don't know. The only defense I can possibly give is... there's some material that's inappropriate for children. Some things are adults-only. (God help us if 8 Mile is the definition of "adult", but...) I realize it's a shaky argument, but it's the only one I have.

posted by Jeremy Bear 12:00 PM

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Sunday, November 24, 2002

Hello, blog. It's been awhile.

There really are a great deal of things to write about here. Were I a responsible man, I'd have posted them as they happened, but, as it stands, it's been a full week and a half since my latest post and I fear I've lost most of it. But, I'll give it a shot...

Kel Nuttall of Morpheus Forge Entertainment sent me my prizes for my Monkey-fied contest entry. Some really cool stuff! I've never actually drawn on bona-fide comic paper before and, frankly, I'm intimidated. This stuff is expensive and I'd just as soon not have to keep abusing the privelege and throwing it away. It is exciting, though. It's what the pros use. And, look at me, too scared to take it out of the package.

For those who don't already know, I'm talking with Rich Stahnke, creator of the Drunken Monkey, about the possibility of my drawing the comic. I've been dreadful about getting him sketches and/or layouts and/or finished pencil art for his perusal. It's not that I haven't been drawing... it's that I've yet to come up with something that looks good enough to send his way. Sorry, Rich. I really have been working, promise. We have been talking about the script, though, and I have to admit that it's pretty funny.

And speaking of comics, one of my valuable prizes from the MFE contest was a subscription to the comics anthology Digital Webbing Presents. It's a very cool bi-monthly in which newbies can strut their respective stuff. Kel sent me a couple of issues to peruse and I must admit I've got the fever. I've decided to submit a 5-page short comic story, keeping fingers crossed. I've already sketched out the characters, written the script, and developed the logo. Now, all that's left is the pesky issue of artwork (which I plan on doing in watercolor and colored pencil). Bit of a gritty-n-gruesome tale that takes place in a high-school cafeteria. More on that later.
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Honestly, I really have been busy. I managed to crank out a 5 minute screenplay last week for Media Sunshine, a little one-woman operation dedicated to producing a short film each month, based in North Carolina. (That one woman being Heather Maxwell of last week's "Put On Your Cookie Pants" fame) Heather plans on shooting a whole slew of shorts and then posting them on her website for downloading and viewing. How fun is that?
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The new G4 Mac with OS X at work is still great, but it's beginning to piss me off. It won't run some of the basic programs. It has difficulty talking to some of the other computers. It makes an obnoxious, full-throated chiming noise that disturbs the whole office whenever I reboot. Don't get me wrong, it's still a monster step up from the old machine, but sheesh.
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Last weekend, Dad came to town. You know, you forget things about people after you've been away for months or years. I think I may have forgotten what my dad was like a little bit. Not the major things, mind you (he still hates cats, he still likes to strike up conversations with complete strangers, he's still convinced that the Democrats are going to destroy us)... but, the little things. Falling asleep in front of football. Trying to pawn off his tomato on others at the table. His propensity to call people in other states on his cell to ask the temperature. All those weird little quirks that you forget when you're away.

Somehow, Dad finegeled a free plane ticket out of some company giving a seminar on how to sell annuities, whatever those are. The seminar was in San Diego, so he spent a few free days with us. While he was here, I showed him what little I could of the area (still getting to know it myself, really). We buzzed on down to Huntinton Beach and ate lunch on the pier. We bopped around Orange County and, what fun, I showed Dad where I work. We went up to Hollywood, took pictures by the "Hollywood" sign, went to the Chinese Theater (where we parked beside Tom Cruise's star and Dad tried to fit his hand prints inside Arnold Schwarzeneggar's hand print and so on), toured around Burbank and saw the studios there, hit Chinatown and kept driving, and just had a merry old time.

And because I'm such a lucky young man, Dad decided to spring for Christmas early by ordering a brand new monitor for me. A 19-incher. I'm excited, to say the least. It should arrive any day now.
...

Speaking of family, it's a bit heartbreaking... Carey and I will be celebrating Thanksgiving (and Christmas, for that matter) by ourselves this year. I hadn't given it much thought until Carey mentioned last week, "you know? You can get a whole Thanksgiving dinner for two at the grocery store for, like $30! You get some turkey, some potatoes, some pie... it's a really great deal." Hhh... the Grocery Store Turkey Day Deal. For some reason, it made me want to cry. It was the same feeling I get when I see cars parked outside Denny's on Christmas Day. Well, we'll figure something out.
...

And we finally bit the bullet and ordered a new DVD player. I'm still very upset the Best Buy welshed on their service plan. So much so that I'm tempted to encourage others not to have dealings with Best Buy (but, darn it, I've still got a gift certificate for $50 worth of Best Buy merchandise... well, but after that, that's IT!)
...

Right now, Carey's on the phone talking to my mom about the details of my sister Lauren's getting engaged last night. At least, I think so. Since I haven't heard back officially, I'm just assuming here. But, anyhow, congratulations may be in order for a certain Ms. Lauren K. Bear! Possibly. I think. Maybe. More later.
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What else... you know, I think I've decided to have long hair. It's been a long time since I've gotten it cut and I'm seriously considering becoming a longish-haired California guy. I mean, what else have I got going on? I've never really had long hair and I've always been interested to try it out. When I was in high school and part of college, I did that weird thing where you shave the back and the sides, but leave the hair on top to grow down to your chin. It was fine for the time, I guess, but I've never gone through with truly free-flowing locks. It seems to work out really well for good-looking models, why not me? (Because you're not a good-looking model, Jer.) No, no, I'm saying maybe I could BECOME good-looking if... (you really think that's possible? Seriously?) Well, maybe not GOOD-looking, just... just... (just what?) ...just... I don't know. I think I need a change, though.
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Finally, my dad convinced me that I should go the distance and type up a true-to-life telemarketing call I received about a week and a half ago. True story, here it is.... And, with that, good night.

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JER: Hello?

STEPHANIE: Hello, is this Mr. Jeremiah Bear?

JER: Yup.

STEPHANIE: Hi, Mr. Bear, I'm calling in regards to a very special deal just for YOU. Are you a current subscriber to the Long Beach Press Telegram, the #1 news source for Long Beach residents?

JER: Ah, no, I'm not, but...

STEPHANIE: Well, now's the time to jump on board! Do you like football?

JER: Do I what?

STEPHANIE: Do you like football? Do you like going to, you know, football games?

JER: Oh. No.

STEPHANIE: Well, y-- oh, wait, 'no'?

JER: That's right. Not much of a football person.

STEPHANIE: That's okay! How about basketball? Or baseball?

JER: No and no.

STEPHANIE: Ah. Well, what sports do you like?

JER: Uh, to tell you the truth I'm not really into... wait, what's your name?

STEPHANIE: Stephanie.

JER: Stephanie, I'm Jeremy. Hi.

STEPHANIE: Hi.

JER: Why do you want to know what sports I like?

STEPHANIE: Glad you asked! The Press Telegram wants to put you and 3 of your friends in the bleachers! By signing up for a 6 week trial with the Press Telegram, you're entitled to 4 tickets to see--

JER: To tell you the truth, I'm not really into sports. Sorry.

STEPHANIE: Well, but I'm sure you have friends that are into sports, right?

JER: That's... true. I do have friends that are into sports.

STEPHANIE: Well, there you go! So, let's get you started, okay? First, can I confirm that your address is 1425 Appl--

JER: You want me to sign up for your newspaper so that a few friends of mine get to go to a football game?

STEPHANIE: Not only that, but you get the Press Telegram delivered to your door. Rated the #1 Long Beach paper by the--

JER: Stephanie.

STEPHANIE: Yes?

JER: Are you sure this is a good paper? You're not just trying to sell something for a quota, here. You're telling me this is a great newspaper filled with valuable information.

STEPHANIE: Absolutely!

JER: Do you get the Press Telegram?

STEPHANIE: Do I?

JER: Right. Do you have a subscription? As in you personally?

STEPHANIE: Well... there are... it's a great paper. The... articles...

JER: I know. Rated #1. But, I'm asking if YOU buy it.

STEPHANIE: I... uh. Yes.

JER: Yes?

STEPHANIE: Yes. I do. It's very good.

JER: Oh, yeah? What's your favorite section?

STEPHANIE: ...I like the sports section...

JER: Ah. How's the writing?

STEPHANIE: Really really good.

JER: Do you know any of the writers?

STEPHANIE: Me?

JER: Yeah, like the sports writers for example. Do you know any of them?

STEPHANIE: Whuh... n-no... I... I probably should, though, shouldn't I?!

JER: It's not a big deal. I was just curious. Can you name any of the writers that write these wonderful articles?

STEPHANIE: Uh. Well, let's see.. there's... shoot, who was it? Uh. I don't know.

JER: Probably not, huh?

STEPHANIE: No, I guess not. But, these are really good questions...!

JER: Oh yeah? Well, I think it says a lot that you get the paper yourself. Of course you probably get a discount...

STEPHANIE: Well, yeah. I do.

JER: What's your discount?

STEPHANIE: I can't tell you that.

JER: You can't? Why not? Is it some sort of trade secret?

STEPHANIE: No, not really...

JER: So, what, half-off?

STEPHANIE: Ehhhh... you know, the Press Telegram is actually just one of a whole network of newspapers... all of equally high quality and... you know, any newspaper in our network it's basically... uh... like...

JER: ???

STEPHANIE: I mean, for example, since I live in Whittier... I'd get the, uh...

JER: Wait, wait, wait. What are trying to tell me?

STEPHANIE: Just that... that...

JER: Stephanie, you don't really get the Press Telegram, do you?

STEPHANIE: ...

JER: Stephanie?

STEPHANIE: No, I don't.

JER: Hhh... you lied to me.

STEPHANIE: Well, technically... I...

JER: So, you get the Whittier paper. Do you get their discount, or was that also a lie?

STEPHANIE: No no no! We get 40% off! Oop, I don't think I was supposed to mention that.

JER: Why not? Who cares if I know your discount?

STEPHANIE: It's just... sometimes they record these calls for quality control. Sometimes they have us call representatives without telling us to check on our perfor-- OHMIGOD.

JER: What.

STEPHANIE: I... it's... I've never had anybody ask me these kinds of questions before. I mean, you're asking a lot of questions... good questions.

JER: Er. Thanks.

STEPHANIE: You're not a representative, are you? I mean, you know, to check my performance.

JER: ...

STEPHANIE: Wait. Of course you're not. Sorry.

JER: No, no, I'm afraid you've caught me, Stephanie. I guess my cover's blown. You're right, I've been rating your performance this whole time.

STEPHANIE: OHMIGOD! I knew it! How did I... I mean, did I do okay...?

JER: Eh... to be honest, I have a few concerns. It'll all be in my report.

STEPHANIE: Ohgod ohgod. Seriously, I didn't do well?

JER: You weren't bad. How long have you been at it?

STEPHANIE: Two weeks.

JER: Two weeks, well. So, you're pretty new at this.

STEPHANIE: Yeah.

JER: You're not bad for two weeks. Believe me, I've seen much worse. Your big problem was the hard-sell. A little aggressive, Stephanie. Nobody likes to be bullied.

STEPHANIE: Okay. That's good advice.

JER: And then there's the issue of your little fib. That's kind of a big deal, you know?

STEPHANIE: I know... hhh... I know, that was so bad, wasn't it?

JER: Yes, it was. Never do that.

STEPHANIE: You're right. You're right.

JER: I mean it.

STEPHANIE: Okay. Sorry. Listen, can I go now? I, uh.

JER: Yes, I've gotten all I need. Keep your chin up, Stephanie. You'll be fine.

STEPHANIE: All right. Thanks. Bye.

JER: Bubye.

posted by Jeremy Bear 10:48 PM

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